Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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