I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
