its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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