I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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