My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
