Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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