he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize