Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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