her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
