I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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