phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize