she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
