I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
