I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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