I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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