i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
