he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
