The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
