Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
