I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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