is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I will die if light touches me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
