YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
