Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
