Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
