I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize