bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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