Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
