we made out on top of his cat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
