My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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