when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
True strength comes from lack of pants
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
