If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
