I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
