If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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