i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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