We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
