I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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