kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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