If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
