Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
