the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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