update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She told me I should be a condom model.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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