i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
