I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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