did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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