I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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