just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
