I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize