So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
