everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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