Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
