so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
