I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
