just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
