i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
