Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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