the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
