I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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