I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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