dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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