@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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