Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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