i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
