I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
