btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
they need to just BURY HIM!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
