Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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