No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
