Need sex. Gaining weight.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
