Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she told me i tasted like america
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
