I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
