I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
