thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
