You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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