I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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