Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
