If i come over, it means nothing
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize