i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
