found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
