i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
