this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
