i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
