dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize